The dating site claimed that Evie O’Connell was interested in me. As always, real names have been withheld to protect the mommies! Save da mommies! My name is real, as far as you know. Because things were not progressing with Million Dollar Baby, I contacted Evie and began circular dating. Evie is the quintessential hot librarian and reminds of the actress from the movie The Mummy Returns, and she lives up to her moniker in statuesque style. Evie was smitten with me right out of the gate. Communication was smooth and fun with her, all the bubbles glided seamlessly upon the surface. On the second day of exchanging messages with her, I wrote, “If you would like to take what’s behind curtain number two, you could give me your number, I could call you later. If you choose to accept this mission, ninety-nine, this message will explode in a few minutes – maybe! It would be my pleasure to call you. She gave me her number and we had a nice phone conversation that same evening. We set a date for Monday, one week later.
Evie continued to text me sweet nothings throughout the week. This woman is crazy for me. This is what I like to see. Would you prefer to bet on a loser, or a winning horse? Now we are cookin’ with Crisco!
On Friday of that same week, my intuition told me that Maggie and I were probably not a match. Later that evening, I was at Flanigan’s restaurant having dinner and texting Evie. Evie was busy at a company party downtown. Evie texted, “I wish I were with you”. After that sweet text, I could not take it anymore. I replied, “So why don’t you blow off that lame party and come to see me. Wanna come out and play? She said she would try to make it.
After an hour-and-a-half, Evie finally made her way over to my office, Flanigan’s. I walked out to the parking lot to meet her and thaw out – the restaurant was like a freezer. At least I was well frozen, er, preserved. I feel like I’ve been hermetically sealed! It gives new meaning to the word protection! Evie was a tall, leggy glamazon with glasses and short hair, with the body of a model. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, opened the door, and escorted her into the restaurant and to the bar. I pulled out her chair for her at the bar and we sat down. We had a great time talking and bantering. At one point, I looked at her with a cat-that-ate-the canary Jack Nicholson grin and said, “I’m not really bad, I’m just drawn that way”. I love to make the ladies blush, I like tomatoes! Always remember to eat your veggies kids!
She was married twenty-two years to a mostly absentee ship captain. They were separated for three years, divorced for one year. She said they grew apart years before the separation, which really means they fell out of love. I hope she is not on the rebound, I will have to watch her closely for possible flakiness. As long as she does not ask me to marry her and have kids before the two month mark, everything will be okie dokie in the Okefenokee swamp.
She has a fourteen year old daughter who splits time between her dad during the week, and mom on the weekends. Evie heads an environmental department for the city. She has a masters degree, likes to ride bicycles, workout, read, and likes to tour places of history and museums. She’s from Canada but has lived in the States for thirty years. Evie told me she was teased for her accent, so she had to loose it. I would never tease my beautiful glamazon Evie. I want to be always laughing with her, but never at her. Awe, isn’t dat cute?
I’m a real big spender so I bought Evie a Coke. On this impromptu date, Evie gently asked me questions to get to know me, and she touched me too many times to count, which is a great sign of interest. She touched me on the leg, side, arm, and hand. Watch those roaming hands, incoming! Women don’t want to touch men who are repulsive, they don’t even want to get close to them if they can help it. She has beautiful skin and hands. I think Evie’s hands would look especially good on me. Whoops – kids, cover your eyes! We were at the bar, and elbow room was at a premium, it was a rowdy Friday night. At one point, she signaled me to pull my chair closer to her to get away from the swashbucklers on my other side, and I did. If I were sitting any closer to her, we’d be Siamese twins! When they like you too much, they can’t be too close, which is oh so right!
At eleven O’clock, it was getting late and I suggested Evie should go home so she could get some beauty sleep. Waitaminnite, I’m the one who needs the beauty sleep! I escorted her out of the restaurant to her silver soccer-mom Buffy The Vampire Slayer vehicle. Usually, I stand back about ten feet from the door of the vehicle so as to not intrude on a woman’s boundaries on a first date. However, this time, because we had instant chemistry, I got a little closer (Oh my!). She made reference to a second date on two occasions – first at the bar, and now again before leaving. In romantic terms, this means I just hit the Lotto. Playing hard to get, I hemmed and hawed a little, then said yes to a second rendezvous. A lady can’t be too easy these days! Waitaminnit, I’m the man here, what’s wrong with this picture? Then I kissed my lovely glamazon square on the lips. Evie was wearing sandals. If she were wearing high heels, I might have needed a ladder to reach those luscious lips! Evie insisted she drive me home. Evie said she was afraid I’d get mugged walking home at this late hour. Not only was Evie willing to let a man she just met only an hour ago into her car, but she was concerned for my safety. This doll really likes me – ya think? I politely refused the offer. Then I went back and gave my hot librarian glamazon another kiss, just to let her know that the first one was no accident. Kisses are like potato chips, ya can’t have just one!
Will Evie and I make beautiful music together? Does a bear poop in da woods? Evie texted me after the date and we continue to banter, play, and exchange sweet nothings. It’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye! It was just another starry, moonlit night in paradise with yours truly, Rico Suave, and the hot librarian!
Date Two
I had to take my car into the shop Monday for a minor issue, but they had to keep it overnight, which means I had no vehicle to pick up Evie for our scheduled date. I don’t have to commute to work, so did not rent a car. We had our original date scheduled for today. I told Evie that I might not have a car tonight, so we would have to play it by ear as far as our second date was concerned. Later in the day, it was looking more and more like I was not going to get my car back. Evie offered to pick me up at my home for our date, and that’s exactly what she did. Let me tell you, her Buffy The Vampire Slayer vehicle is big and skeery, gulp! A strong sign of interest is when a lady lets you pick her up from home for the second date. Picking me up from my home was an even stronger signal. When all the man has to do is show up on time for the date and shake his moneymaker, there is something wrong with that. I’m trying to cut down.
We went to La Bambas Mexican restaurant for dinner. We had a lot of fun bantering and talking, it was nice-nice. She had visited with her daughter over the weekend and took her to buy a Halloween costume. She mentioned her daughter is very creative. She showed me a picture of the her daughter wearing a Miss Captain America costume. Her daughter is the spitting image of mom – a tall, leggy glamazon.
After dinner, Evie offered to split the check. I accepted ten dollars from her as feel good money. When we left the restaurant, she grabbed my hand for a stroll around the strip mall. She was opening up more tonight, becoming more comfortable with me. She said that she is a little shy when she first meets people sometimes. I sarcastically replied that I am too, and she quickly looked at me and gave me the evil eye as if to say, “Are you kidding me, you are putting me on”.
We walked around the strip mall and as there was no obvious end to the front of the stores, we eventually found ourselves in the back alley. What kind of a man would take his date into the back alley? Get your mind out of the gutter, or should I say, the back alley! This back alley date became a running joke for the rest of the night.
Then she took me home. She asked on the way if there was any particular music I wanted to listen to, but I said what was playing on the radio was fine. I’m always easy to get along with because I am the catch of the day.
You never change a woman’s radio station, and make sure she has her own remote control, don’t change that channel! If you want to watch football and she does not, get a man cave.
When you shoehorn two people into a home together seven days a week, month after month, year after year, a couple can get on each other’s nerves. Relationships take work. A little healthy space reduces some of the workload, it breaks up the constant need to relate to one another as a couple. The man cave should be a staple of marriage in America, no home should be without one.
When she pulled into my driveway, I leaned over and kissed Evie several times. It’s that whole potato chip thing, the potato chip principle at work. If you’re not kissing, you’re just wishing!
She texted me after the date and thanked me. All I did was allow her to pick me up, then shake my moneymaker. I didn’t do nothin, it wasn’t me, mang! Her love level is still through the roof and in her last text to me she called me “Babe”.
Evie mentioned in a telephone call the other night that she has a temper. Additionally, her voice inflection reminds me of a woman I once knew who had excess emotional baggage (This is my gut feelings, my intuition at work. Do you listen to your intuition?). This could be a serious red flag, a deal breaker. I am going to continue to circular date.