Q. A reader writes, “Someone said you should get at least three numbers every time you go out. I was stunned at this statement because in the past I was told that approaching woman after woman makes you look desperate and women will avoid you like the plague. How many numbers should you ask for in one evening?”
A. That’s not a bad idea. The law of averages is at work. The more women you ask, the better your chances of finding a woman that actually likes you. It’s not rocket science!
Women are competitive. They also like to fantasize. Who reads romance novels? They are women’s books. So, it’s fine if you pal around with the other girls at a social event. As long as you are not getting too heavy with them, she will see them as the bad girls pinning for her interest, her man (if she is sane and has a good attitude, the type that’s good relationship material). Yet, you still keep your halo as long as you don’t go too far. It’s the other girls she imagines as being bad. Other times, early when a woman first meets you, she may wonder if you are seeing anyone else, or if other girls are interested in you (but if she imagines you are seeing others, it’s not as bad as seeing it for her own eyes, you are still in her good graces).
However, when it hits home, when the reality of jealousy slaps her in the face when she actually catches you showing romantic interest in another women, live, in real life, that’s a different story. It can be too much for her to take and can become a turnoff. Strong jealousy is a negative emotion, and intimacy that is too intimate for friends based on the state of the relationship at hand, in this case, virtual strangers, is like cheating to her. Relationships do not come on and go off like a light switch, they grow. It goes up like you would turn up a dimmer switch. Additionally, most good relationships start from the moment the couple sets eyes on each other. Rapport and love starts to grow immediately. Consequently, when the relationship grows so fast that strangers make big moves the first few times they meet, like asking for her telephone number or going in for that first big kiss, making those moves with another is perceived as cheating. The stone cold truth is that cheating kills a relationship, and love will not return once it is gone.
See the difference? One scenario involves fantasy and bad girls where you are still the hero who is trying to fight them off, and needs her help! In the other scenario, the negative emotion of jealousy hits too close to home, and now you are the bad guy, and she looses interest.
It’s all about balance, balancing human nature, like/love levels. If you show that you like another girl too much, such as asking for the telephone number, or kissing her, her emotional barometer tells her that you like the other girl so much that you can’t like her. That’s just the way she sees it, and then the game is over for her, she’s to busy making a reservation at heart-break hotel to want to think about you in any positive way.
I remember a time I was dating two girls (two girls?!). I took them both to the beach on a second date. I took one girl by the hand and led her out into the water for some privacy, away from the other girl who remained on her towel on the beach, soaking in those beauty rays. Well, then I did it, I kissed the bathing beauty that was by my side for the first time. By the time we got back to the beach, towel girl didn’t say anything, but inside, you could tell that she was fuming, her kissing cousin friend even acknowledged that.
Now, up until that time, I had both girls pinning for me, and the choice was mine to make. When I sealed that choice with a kiss, the other girl was history, her love level plummeted for me. Her whole attitude toward me changed after that, she simply treated me as a friend and nothing special.
Another time, I was touring a Television studio with a friend. While walking through the studio office, a beautiful red-head coerced me to come to her cubicle to “help her” with something (she wanted a lay person to help her with a job she was especially trained for… do you smell what was cooking there?!). Later on, my supposed “friend”, who happened to look like Cindy Crawford, said, “I’ll bet she was just trying to steal you away from me” …and all that time, I thought we were just friends! See what the competitive nature of women can do? One minute it’s just an innocent tour with friends, and the next moment, it’s a tooth and nail cat fight! Super model Cindy’s love level for me spiked.
Once you do get a woman’s number, don’t let them see you get another woman’s number, or otherwise let them know you are interested in dating others. It’s okay if they have an imagination and think that, you just don’t want them to know that. Go to another location if you need to.
A little bit of emotional turmoil, like the to-and-fro movements of a Tango, can be good for a woman’s soul, and can fan the flame of a woman’s heart. Think of it as stimulation! Also, while women being competitive can be good, love is a delicate and fragile dance… everything has to be just right or you can blow it. Women like to be twirled, but you have to be careful not to rip their arms off in the process, then it’s no fun for them! Women really do want a man whom is strong, yet sensitive. What they cannot tell you is they want a gentleman who is strong and sensitive at all the right times. Keep reading, listening to and watching women and couples, and practicing, and you will learn. Just remember to take it easy, Killer!