Can Long Distance Relationships Really Work?

Q. A reader writes, “I stepped into new territory the other night, was a little nervous, but ended up having a great evening.

Last night I went out with two friends, I went to South Beach in Miami. Traffic was horrendous at the beach so I told the girls that I was going to grab a drink while she found her guy which was supposed to meet up with us.

I got my drink, and as I’m waiting for them to drive by again to pick me up so we can go to the club, I turned around, and there I saw sitting two guys having dinner. Looked once, turned back and thought “well let’s do this girlie”! So I just smiled and said “Hi” with a big friendly smile. I could tell they were from out of town but one of the guys caught my eye, had nice style. So they said “Hi” back, I walked up to them and asked them if I could sit with them until my friends drove by to pick me up. They said “Sure, have a seat!” They were very nice. They asked me if I wanted something, I had a drink. Started a conversation with them both (even though I was interested in the one guy), and it so happens that the guy I likes birthday was the day after mine and he had turned the same age. My friends call and I told them to park and walk over so we could take the tourist guys to a good club. We sat for a little while longer, finishing our drinks and getting to know each other. This guy and I just hit it off and we were drawn to each other. We grabbed a cab to the club. We were all clicking good, there was a very nice vibe. We all got along great. We got to the club, and I just have to say I had an amazing time, can’t remember the last time I danced so much. He gave me his business card which had his e-mail address on it. He lives in New York City. I’m very tempted to send him an e-mail.

How long should I wait to contact him? Maybe I can send him a Thank You Basket with wine and stuff for the evening? I would love to take a weekend and go to New York City, especially around Christmas time. I just love New York City, especially in the fall and winter. Should I take the plunge and see what happens? Or, is a long distance relationship a bad thing? What should I do now?”


A. First of all, great job getting in the door. See how easy that was? Women can ask guys out first, they do it all the time.

However, When you found out they were out of town, you should have talked for a few minutes and then said, “I have to go”.

Long distance relationships rarely work. For every three long distance deals that you hear about working, a thousand did not. The reason you have not heard about the massive amount of long distance flops is because they do not make good plots for romance novels.

In a relationship, you need love. To sustain love, you need affection, for one thing. How are you going to touch him when you are not there? What are you going to do, fly up there every weekend? If you go much beyond three weeks without connecting, you two will become strangers to each other. Strangers don’t deeply love each other. You won’t know who he really is anymore. You cannot get fulfilled and stay in love by talking on phone and through letters. Sadly, many people find this out only after one of these doomed relationships have failed.

You need to stay connected. Relationships are built and maintained on face to face contact… not wishful thinking. If the person is not in the area to date, how can you date? How can you date someone who is never around?

Let the law of averages work for you, ask more men out until you find one whom is qualified to be in a relationship with you. Keep doing what you are doing, you will find a local guy. If you don’t know how far is too far, for starters, stick to guys that live within four hours away. If you can’t go out on a date and return in one day, it’s probably too far. Excessive travel distance could leave a skid mark on your heart when Mr. Wonderful leaves your love town for good.

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